These bitches

I was watching 16 and pregnant online about a week ago, and I really am surprised some girls want kids so young.  There are rumors regarding that Jenifer chick... saying she plotted to get on the show. I'm not sure if it is true, but let me get this straight... you're a teenager, and want kids, for fame? Money? WHAT?!!!!

Kids are no walk in the park, yes, they look cute in pictures and being totted around in public, but you're not there 24/7 with the child. Do these girls think babies are a puppy?! Oh I know I'm 22 with a 7 month old, and another on the way, I'm still young, but not very, BUT my son was a birth control fail, meaning.... I was on BC when I conceived him, same goes for this new child, but i wasn't on BC we were using condoms, with spermicide, which I'm sure most condoms have spermicide. So we weren't asking for smelly butt and his sibling. But i would like to know, what makes these girls think children are a walk in the park? let's see

I can't take a shit alone or in peace cos the child is screaming at me, and I don't want to drag his poor butt in to smell my waste.

I can't shower in peace, even when I beg Pat to watch him, cos oh no, the baby is crying, i gotta hurry, and our hot water runs out quickly.

I get NO DOWN time, meaning I have no time to relax, even if he's asleep I fret if opening the fridge woke him up cos silence around here is golden. Or even when Pat is here cos he HAS to unwind from work, basically meaning I have to pretend to poop to escape the little monster yet that does me NO good, cos they both follow me in there so he can talk to me. GTFO!!!!

It is hard to find a sitter when I'd like to be a selfish snot and have time to myself. Cos the 2 reliable sitters i have, also have kids too, and if you don't know or realize, kids are a walking infestation of disease! So it's, get a bit sane or have Leo get sick....
and also, I don't get much sleep, since Pat works, I'm up with the baby when he wakes at 2 am, 3 am or when he wants to sing about stuff from 5am-7am.

So having kids is hard, and I knew it would be, but didn't know it fully till it happened! So don't get me wrong, I love my life, I love Leo, and this new little leech inside me, yet it baffles me these bitches WANT to have kids NOW!!!!! OMFG please wait, cos you'll miss your freedom, kids will either make or break you and your sperm donor. I'm not saying when you're ready, cos face it, no one is ready for kids. Even if you're dirt poor or a damn millionaire, kids are a whole different ball park, and raising your siblings or family DOES NOT COUNT. 

See cuteness which can be 100% of the time

And this is what they are also 100% of the time

that jenifer chick i was refering to

On a serious note: A letter to my son

I was thinking back to when i wanted to write a letter to Leo, letting him know what hopes I have for him and in which, here is a small list. A draft.

1. I want him to look at the world and see beauty, from nature to sprawling cities. Nature is beautiful, it's innocent and somewhat magical. Cities and their forest of skyscrapers and cars speeding by like it's the city's blood in it's veins.

2. Never pick on anyone for race, outward appearances, sexual orientation or religion. I've been discriminated for my race, my appearance, and even back in highschool for having a liking for girls. I honestly dont see why people have to be cruel to others for something that is different from their views, as long as they are not hurting anyone or anything.

3. It will be ok if he doesn't believe in God, or chooses a different religion from us. I am just afraid of negative feedback from my family to let them know i have lost faith in the catholic church, i never had a full heart with it and never enjoyed what they taught. To me, God is loving, he doesnt hate, he makes no mistakes, and is okay if you question him and his existence. And if he were to EVER come to a decision, or choice, I want him to know I support his decision, and that I won't make him feel like a bad person for feeling that way.

4. I want him to not view women as sexual objects. They have feelings too (ahem MEN) As i have learned, sex to men isnt emotional like it is for us, it's physical, and I want my son to understand that once he's in a committed relationship to not view Porn, or anything that involves other women other than his significant other. Women are so sexualized today, it's very sickening, and to me if he were to view porn while with someone he loves, it is VERY emotionally scarring for pretty much the woman. Plus to have other women sexualized in media, doesn't help later on with the relationship.

5. To feel comfortable to come speak to me or his dad about anything. When I was a kid, I saw/see spirits, hear things and sense emotions in a room. If anyone believes me or not reading this i dont care. But being told I was on drugs cause i saw something, or told to read the bible to get these feelings and visions away hurt. I know i'm not insane, but it did hurt.

I know I have more to write to him about, but this is just a list, a draft to when i do decide to put all of this on paper and when he's old enough to understand things, let him read it. I just want what's best for him.

Baby VS. Public places

It had been so long since the future hubby and I have been to the store or out in general with the baby. Our favorite place is the bookstore. We love reading and sitting at a coffee shop looking at books. We met at Starbucks almost 3 yrs ago, so of course we love that atmosphere. When Leo was super brand new and squishy we went to the bookstore often, which was awesome cos he slept most of the time. Well the fuss bucket has been so high maintenance that he needs to be carried 24/7, which now he is too heavy for the wrap that was given to me. and this is the part I hate.

 Anyone who is anyone knows how ANNOYING a crying baby is. We've all been there! Cos you are trying to enjoy your meal in an already noisy place. You just think: "God shut that kid up!!!!!" or "Feed your fucking baby!!!" or even think about hitting the parents for sucking at not shutting the kid up. But picture yourself as the parent.
You are already getting the stare of doom from already angry people cos they saw your little drooling monster with a plan in their eyes to fuck up THEIR evening. And once your little monster gets pissed off you panic cos you know you'll get the stares of anger. Cos hey you've been there till your little carbon copy popped into the world. Cos even when you have your plan to hush the child, it never works! So while people are wishing you'd go to hell since you can't shut your kid up, you feel like giving up and going home after packing what looks like a weeks worth of gear just for an outing, and your baby knows your their bitch cos you are doing everything in your power to make him/her happy.

Gone are the days of freedom.

Dinner fail

Well now, I'm not sure what to say other than how horribly wrong attempting to cook dinner went. I bought a pre-cooked whole lobster, looked up recipes and ways to reheat it. While my son screamed at me most of the time while i was trying to make it, I wondered how was I going to eat it when:
1. I cringe at whole shrimp.
2. I lack paper towels.
3. The baby wont be happy for more than 5 minutes!!!

  So after it's done and I discover a whole in my duckie measuring cup after heating butter in the microwave, I cringe at pulling the claws off, I cringe at trying to tear the tail off. While tearing the tail off, bits of lobster hit my face, I gave up and almost cried. I just ate my side of corn and let my son roll around the floor. Dinner was a sad affair, even with making hot dogs so i can eat SOMETHING and not be a nightmare when Pat gets home from work.

Another thing about motherhood is when the baby passes out, it's a nice peaceful time to collect your thoughts, kick back, and enjoy the silence. After he yelled at me for 15 mins, he passed out drinking his bottle, and I left him there on the floor. Non parents judge me if you must, but once you have a little carbon copy of yourself, when they fall asleep away from their crib or bed after screaming at you, it's feels nice to just let them be. Let them look so cute and gentle, without tears streaming down their face and flailing arms hitting you and knocking down your nearby drink. But if you are like me, you're not so lucky, cos when I kissed my silent angel, I smelled poop. I checked to make sure the wipe he was chewing on earlier didnt have any poop on it, NOPE, his face, NOPE, my hands, NOPE. So I do what I've never thought I would do , even as a parent, I sniffed his butt and low and behold he had a nasty present for me. Then it dawned on me, this was probably the reason he was so PISSED. So instead of enjoying my 'break' I was fretting on leaving him be, or waking him to change it. He woke up when the stupid cat decided to step on EVERY piece of paper in the room.

But other than all of this, Happy 7 months to my son Leo!!!

dun dun DUN

I've created a blog, lets see how this works out. I suck at keeping up with things, BUT I want to keep this up, I have too. Writing and ranting is my only escape from piling laundry and dishes, poopy diapers, a screaming child, and pregnancy. Kinda on the pregnancy, I do tend to forget I am, till acid reflux hits with a vengeance! 

    I should go to bed soon, but I prolly won't, as with pregnancy it brings insomnia!!! 

BUT, my goal for this blog is just to have fun, rant about life, mark milestones for my son, go on about how I fail as a parent at times, and how I HATE being pregnant. Also my business as it grows (fingers crossed) just a journey with my life as a little caged in animal who stays at home basically for a living right now. YUP, hope you like me.